Sedated...

One day, two entries.

There are so many better writers than me. I just finished reading a new entry in the journal that made me start my own chronicles. He writes. In a talented, stylistic, make-me-want-to-stop-writing way, he writes. I can't explain it.
That's why I do not write. You know, because I can't.
I can remember a time when I'd write to formulate a thought I couldn't properly vocalise. Now I don't think I express myself well in either way.
I think my writing is missing the realism it once had. I become so involved in the style that I lose the genuineness. No real strong subject.
I think that's what's lost in most art. This isn't just my problem. Everyone is so hung up with being creative they forget that the only way to be creative is to realize there is no creation involved, only manipulation of your own experiences. Sure, you need to be interesting, but the only real way to do that is to be interested. True art is a good mixture of passion and formula.
Comedians call it "dissecting the joke".
You see, there is a importance in the idea that says that in order to be funny, you have to know why you're funny.
Music theory. Sentence structure. Philosophy in math. Architectural drawings. There is structure in chaos; there has to be a balance. Contrary to popular belief, inventiveness is not the antonym of structure, it is the complement.
But I've become too stuctured. Too formulaic.
From here on, I need to stop concentrating as much on the organization of thought, and more on the thought itself.
End transmission.

Philsophy block

I don't feel philosophical during the day anymore. As a matter of fact, I don't think I'm philosophical anymore unless I'm amped up on Alieve Sinus.
I have a job now. Amanda has a job now. Now we have 1 whole month to spend without her having to work. She'll be teaching 5th grade in Hallsville.
But, if you know me, I don't like to get too literal here. This isn't about my life; this is about my brain. You can take certain liberties with your writings when no one else but you pays attention to them.
Our pastor is leaving our church. The prospect of working with another (different) pastor is strange for me, but surprisingly, there isn't much apprehension involved. As selfish as it may sound, its a pleasant change from always being the freshman. It is a little humorous that this announcement came not one month after I told my wife, "if Brother Marv ever leaves, I'd probably leave, too." Not a chance.
This entry sucks, but I'm posting it anyway.

I use business as an excuse.

It is pretty ambitious of me to blog, really. I have so much going on. I am the Assistant Manager of Little Caesers in Pine Tree, now. I know what you're thinking, but you can just talk to me as if I'm a normal person. Don't be intimidated by the "Assistant Manager" title. I'm a person, just like you.
I have two jobs, and my wife is unemployed. She still makes more money than me. I don't get it.
Amanda is looking for a job in Longview, so that we don't starve. We have two more paychecks left until it becomes a problem. The church is praying that it will happen before the end of July. Amanda and I are pretty discouraged about the whole thing, but our confidence builds when we are around other people. I can't figure out if they have faith or if it's just easier to be optimistic when its not your food bill.
Oh, and to all of you who know the debate, I looked it up. It is "give 'em the gun" not "Helluva run". Phillip P. just wanted to swear in church.
I'll write more later. Promise. I think this is a good enough undertaking for now.