Lately I cannot stop thinking about two things in my life: bravery and purpose. It has come to the point to where both are haunting me. I feel confined by the situations in my life that seem to keep me from following anything that I would consider a higher calling, and I'm also left wondering if it's those situations or my own fear that keeps me from breaking free.
In the Old Testament, when Esther was the Queen, Mordecai sent her a message that she should use her position as queen to save the Jews. He told her that she shouldn't think that her life would be spared because she was the queen. The words he used were akin to, "And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this." Historically, this was her time. In the end she decided to be brave, and if it meant to die, she would die. But the message of her story isn't that she used her position of her authority, it's that she realized her purpose and was brave enough to execute it.
One month ago I made a quiet declaration that the stagnant parts of my life were going to be dismantled, knowing that reconstruction takes strength and courage that I didn't possess at the time. I neglected to prepare even then knowing that I should, and I'm now left in a tornado of prayers and thoughts as these changes are already taking place, trying to play catch-up, hoping that nothing too drastic changes and knowing that things have already happened for which I was woefully unprepared. I've tried to seize control of the situation, thinking that I know where it's going, only to have a person who barely knew me tell me more about my personality than I knew about myself, revealing an even larger gap in my capacity to assess my own capabilities.
But I return to Esther, who I assume didn't have much time to prepare. And I know that I'm not responsible for the salvation of an entire race of people. I do feel things shifting but I don't even have a Mordecai to tell me what or why. But it's something that hasn't moved in two years.
So maybe there's a purpose in what's going on.
And maybe it's time is now.
And maybe, just maybe, I can be brave enough this time.
Saturday, May 07, 2016
Thursday, February 13, 2014
I Have No Idea What I Am Doing
"As I'm building up this house I wonder what of it will stay. It seems you just take things away..."
Lately I've had a great deal of time to reflect on who the last 10 years have made me. There are times that I find myself with the exact same decisions as a decade prior and scoff at the decisions I would have made then. But there's a reason that I know the judgement calls I would have made previously: they're still an option. I still weigh them against good judgement. I'm one skewed-impulse-control moment away from a poor life choice. That takes away any delusion that my guard can be down.
Some days it feels like being a man is just like being a child with a well defined inner-scold mechanism.
There are so many similarities to 26 year old Blake. I still see futures that are irrelevant and ridiculously long and have to reign in all the emotions attached to them. I still make up short term hypothetical situations that can involve me and others that don't matter and I'm frustrated when they don't culminate in the proper hypothetical ending.
But there are differences. I don't care about the futures I build. My mind constructs them too quickly to be stopped, but I have the knowledge that they are ridiculous. I have learned that I do not want to force those destinies because of the pain involved. Where 26 year old Blake has found the love of his life, 36 year old Blake has turned down 3 dates. I do these things not out of fear but the wisdom that my life supports hanging out with friends and Bible studies and playing my XBox in between custody of my boys.
The best part of me that I could offer anyone right now is good company and maybe some Nutella.
And these decisions, all in all, are the ones to which I believe God has led me. I have the most good friendships I've had in 10 years. I am rebuilding some I've lost years ago. And my relationship with my sons gets only stronger though I see them less. But it's only because I stopped following my own stupidity, my own personally drawn fates. Those have always been failures. I depend on a Spirit-led relationship and the wisdom that comes from 36 years of poor decisions.
The biggest realization has been realizing that I have had no idea what I am doing.
"As you're tearing down this house there is only one thing I can say, 'I'm so glad you take away.'"
--Wavorly
Thursday, January 02, 2014
On Divorce and Failure
“For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty, ” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies." (Malachi 2:16a NLT)
Single and married people alike quickly throw this verse off with ease, sometimes sure of their immunity to it. Both they and their spouse give the effort needed and would never "overwhelm" the other with "cruelty". They hate divorce just like God does.
Today I walked out of a courthouse completely defeated. I felt the entire weight of 10 years of failure crushing me. A wave of embarrassment flooded into me as a judge granted the death of my marriage in front of a host of witnesses, some of which I knew and some of which were strangers. Those feelings still wash over me in ebbs and flows. Every bit of this entire process has felt broken and wrong. Right now I have no mixed feelings: I am only bruised and humiliated.
With all due respect, single and married people don't know the entire weight of the process. In comparison, they dislike divorce. Divorced people hate divorce.
But yesterday my oldest asked me what my New Year's resolution was. I paused, realizing I'd made none yet. I was so engulfed in defeat, wallowing so much, that I'd forgotten that my divorce would be final at the beginning of a new year. I thought briefly. "To be honest, I feel like life knocked me down pretty hard last year, son", I said. "It's time to get back up. That's my resolution". He just smiled and told me that it was a really good one.
Divorce is the end of a life together. One become two. But if that's true, I can not linger in a dead "one-ness" or in the cruelty of life I feel now. The test of true failure cannot be how hard I fall, but whether or not I stand back up.
So, for everyone who depends on me now, including myself, I will rise back up. Busted and bruised, I will not regret my history but I will learn from it. I will move forward with the race I'm meant to run. I will be a good father, co-parent, friend, son, employee, and any other duty set before me.
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but rising up every time we fall" -- Ralph Waldo Emerson. I'm not a failure unless I stay down.
God, help me get back up.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
It's raining today
Every time I have a attended the memorial of a great and God-following man who has died, on that day it rained. I hope and pray that the legacy that I leave is so great that the Earth grieves with those who loved me.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
The Long Dark Tea time of the Soul
7 Weeks 4 days.
That's how long my wife and son have been gone. Long enough to change me, but not long enough that there isn't a fresh pain to it every day.
Don't mistake what I am saying. I cannot state enough that she should have left me sooner, and that I should have let her leave me a long time ago. I believe that the more hurt there is to heal, the longer the separation must be. Maybe if I had worked on my problems, there wouldn't have even been a need for a physical separation.
But, unfortunately, working on a problem means admitting that there is a problem on which to work, and up until now I've tended to live my life on the defensive side, never once throwing on a new challenge unless there was none other to be found. I like my life to be an adventure, but I like the adventure to come to me. If by some off chance I choose the issue, I choose one that isn't so close to my heart. Maybe, you know, just lose a job or get a speeding ticket.
The stages of grief are the same no matter what you go through, but the anger part, well, that's a lot tougher when its all aimed at yourself. Don't feel sorry for me. I deserve all of it.
So now I'm packing my three bedroom home and moving into a one bedroom apartment. I won't call it home, and that will hurt even more. I look forward to moving to Dallas now. I will be closer to my estranged wife and son. I will be able to attend a church where maybe I can have some friends to spend some time with outside of the church.
For now, I'll just stay broken. Purposefully. And I will continue to throw myself into the despair, because in it is growth, and because I'm tired of being fearful of what might come upon me. With God empowering me, I will continue to ambush everything I've always been concerned of, and I will emerge unrecognizable.
That's how long my wife and son have been gone. Long enough to change me, but not long enough that there isn't a fresh pain to it every day.
Don't mistake what I am saying. I cannot state enough that she should have left me sooner, and that I should have let her leave me a long time ago. I believe that the more hurt there is to heal, the longer the separation must be. Maybe if I had worked on my problems, there wouldn't have even been a need for a physical separation.
But, unfortunately, working on a problem means admitting that there is a problem on which to work, and up until now I've tended to live my life on the defensive side, never once throwing on a new challenge unless there was none other to be found. I like my life to be an adventure, but I like the adventure to come to me. If by some off chance I choose the issue, I choose one that isn't so close to my heart. Maybe, you know, just lose a job or get a speeding ticket.
The stages of grief are the same no matter what you go through, but the anger part, well, that's a lot tougher when its all aimed at yourself. Don't feel sorry for me. I deserve all of it.
So now I'm packing my three bedroom home and moving into a one bedroom apartment. I won't call it home, and that will hurt even more. I look forward to moving to Dallas now. I will be closer to my estranged wife and son. I will be able to attend a church where maybe I can have some friends to spend some time with outside of the church.
For now, I'll just stay broken. Purposefully. And I will continue to throw myself into the despair, because in it is growth, and because I'm tired of being fearful of what might come upon me. With God empowering me, I will continue to ambush everything I've always been concerned of, and I will emerge unrecognizable.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Good news for people who like bad news
*ring*
No, that's my work phone, and it sucks. I don't ever answer that phone. I'll let it forward to the other phone sitting right next to it.
*ring*
That's the phone I answer. It has a pretentious headset with a blinky light.
What is said: "I have a repair call for you at the TJMaxx in Longview. Do you have time to do it, or do you have other calls?"
What should be said: "Do you think you can find time between episodes of 'Scrubs' to go fix a cash register or two? Or are you too busy to put on a shirt and get out of the house?"
Either way the answer is the same... "maybe".
This job isn't as much a career as it is a lifestyle. Not that I mind getting calls. After all, there are only three seasons of "Scrubs" out on DVD, and "MacGyver" was canceled 15 years ago. Plus every man needs to put in his 2 to 6 hours of work a day to feel useful.
This is a welcome and still in some ways displeasing change from six months ago. I had a job a hated, and I barely had time for family, friends, or the nervous breakdown that I was quickly approaching.
But now I am truly blessed to have time for all of those things. Ironically, none of them seem to be around anymore.
What a terrbile post.
No, that's my work phone, and it sucks. I don't ever answer that phone. I'll let it forward to the other phone sitting right next to it.
*ring*
That's the phone I answer. It has a pretentious headset with a blinky light.
What is said: "I have a repair call for you at the TJMaxx in Longview. Do you have time to do it, or do you have other calls?"
What should be said: "Do you think you can find time between episodes of 'Scrubs' to go fix a cash register or two? Or are you too busy to put on a shirt and get out of the house?"
Either way the answer is the same... "maybe".
This job isn't as much a career as it is a lifestyle. Not that I mind getting calls. After all, there are only three seasons of "Scrubs" out on DVD, and "MacGyver" was canceled 15 years ago. Plus every man needs to put in his 2 to 6 hours of work a day to feel useful.
This is a welcome and still in some ways displeasing change from six months ago. I had a job a hated, and I barely had time for family, friends, or the nervous breakdown that I was quickly approaching.
But now I am truly blessed to have time for all of those things. Ironically, none of them seem to be around anymore.
What a terrbile post.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Goodbye, hometown
This is the reason I still have a blog. Every once in a while something is worth writing about. Unfortunately, this is one of the saddest reasons I could be writing.
I was raised in the city of Port Arthur, Texas. The hospital I was born in, the house I was raised in, both of my grandparents' houses when I was a kid, all the places I rode my two speed bicycle, all of that is still there.
I could cope with Houston and Galveston. I only went to those places once or twice a year. Insensitive? Not really. Just not as close to home.
Then she started veering east. A little at a time.
Check out the maps yourself. Read where Rita will now hit the coast. My home town. My memories.
I never brought Amanda there, and now it is something I regret. What if all those things are gone? Look what Katrina did to Mississippi. For those of you who think it might be alright, let me reiterate. PORT Arthur.
Oh, and then it will come through east Texas.
I was raised in the city of Port Arthur, Texas. The hospital I was born in, the house I was raised in, both of my grandparents' houses when I was a kid, all the places I rode my two speed bicycle, all of that is still there.
I could cope with Houston and Galveston. I only went to those places once or twice a year. Insensitive? Not really. Just not as close to home.
Then she started veering east. A little at a time.
Check out the maps yourself. Read where Rita will now hit the coast. My home town. My memories.
I never brought Amanda there, and now it is something I regret. What if all those things are gone? Look what Katrina did to Mississippi. For those of you who think it might be alright, let me reiterate. PORT Arthur.
Oh, and then it will come through east Texas.
Monday, April 18, 2005
I guess this is growing up
I'm always behind and a little out of the loop, but catching up...
I just found out today that two months ago Blink 182 broke up. Or went on "indefinite hiatus" (read infinite). To most people who read this, that won't meant much.
But some people relate to me as to what this really means. Emo, pop-punk,and there are more, all genres that owe their popularity to these guys. They'd tour with little known bands like Finch, and stayed on the Warped Tour for seven forevers. They were the underdogs who went big and then pulled everybody up with them.
You know what else? All the people who insult them the most have had at least one of their cds playing constantly in the player for a few days. Their harshest critics have all of them. Why, you ask?
Let's face it. Blink has made adolescent music since they were themselves adolescents. Their original fans have outgrown all of this angst and juvenilia, and honestly, so have they. The trio tried to remake themselves with 2003's self titled album, but it's just too late. No matter what, Blink 182 will always say "teenage years".
And there is the saddest part. Truthfully their hiatus says the same thing about my own generation's adolescence: that it also is on "indefinite hiatus" (read infinite).
They've known the end from the beginning, though...
"I guess this is growing up"
I just found out today that two months ago Blink 182 broke up. Or went on "indefinite hiatus" (read infinite). To most people who read this, that won't meant much.
But some people relate to me as to what this really means. Emo, pop-punk,and there are more, all genres that owe their popularity to these guys. They'd tour with little known bands like Finch, and stayed on the Warped Tour for seven forevers. They were the underdogs who went big and then pulled everybody up with them.
You know what else? All the people who insult them the most have had at least one of their cds playing constantly in the player for a few days. Their harshest critics have all of them. Why, you ask?
Let's face it. Blink has made adolescent music since they were themselves adolescents. Their original fans have outgrown all of this angst and juvenilia, and honestly, so have they. The trio tried to remake themselves with 2003's self titled album, but it's just too late. No matter what, Blink 182 will always say "teenage years".
And there is the saddest part. Truthfully their hiatus says the same thing about my own generation's adolescence: that it also is on "indefinite hiatus" (read infinite).
They've known the end from the beginning, though...
"I guess this is growing up"
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Funny, I don't feel more creative
So, I guess the last time I remember riding was in September. The end of September, but nonetheless...
The reason I can say that with clear conscience is because I just went for a ride. It was only 7 miles and it took me 28 minutes. 14.4 miles per hour. And I almost died three times from exhaustion.
But I suppose there is some consolation in not completely losing my Honey Nut Toasty Os.
This was never meant to be a journal of my bicycling, so I'll be starting a new blog for the technical details of my ride, but this is more than riding. There is spirit here. Religion. Nothing brings a man closer to God than the firm belief that he's not going to make it all the way to the bike shop before collapsing. I didn't even make the round trip back to the house.
Phone conversation between Amanda and me:
Me: *huff blaggle spitskin"
Amanda: I'll pick you up at the bike shop.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one pedal stroke.
By the way, ME friend, I'm 4 or 5 miles up on you.
The reason I can say that with clear conscience is because I just went for a ride. It was only 7 miles and it took me 28 minutes. 14.4 miles per hour. And I almost died three times from exhaustion.
But I suppose there is some consolation in not completely losing my Honey Nut Toasty Os.
This was never meant to be a journal of my bicycling, so I'll be starting a new blog for the technical details of my ride, but this is more than riding. There is spirit here. Religion. Nothing brings a man closer to God than the firm belief that he's not going to make it all the way to the bike shop before collapsing. I didn't even make the round trip back to the house.
Phone conversation between Amanda and me:
Me: *huff blaggle spitskin"
Amanda: I'll pick you up at the bike shop.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one pedal stroke.
By the way, ME friend, I'm 4 or 5 miles up on you.
Friday, March 04, 2005
William James would've seen this coming.
My life is becoming too complicated to be of any interest to me anymore.
In November 2003 my motorcycle broke down. I decided that I didn't need it and let it sit while I rode a bike everywhere, no less than 20 miles a day.
I was so poor, I couldn't afford meat so my dad would take me out on Wednesdays to feed me. The rest of the time I ate rice, beans, and canned vegetables. And oatmeal.
I lived in the woods in rural East Texas with my best friend outside of my marriage. We only had *some* heat. We wore our jackets and could see our breath inside the house. It was only about 500 square feet.
If you think all of that is written more simply than I'd usually write, you are correct. You are also totally missing to point.
Pragmatism is creeping up on me again.
Thank you God.
In November 2003 my motorcycle broke down. I decided that I didn't need it and let it sit while I rode a bike everywhere, no less than 20 miles a day.
I was so poor, I couldn't afford meat so my dad would take me out on Wednesdays to feed me. The rest of the time I ate rice, beans, and canned vegetables. And oatmeal.
I lived in the woods in rural East Texas with my best friend outside of my marriage. We only had *some* heat. We wore our jackets and could see our breath inside the house. It was only about 500 square feet.
If you think all of that is written more simply than I'd usually write, you are correct. You are also totally missing to point.
Pragmatism is creeping up on me again.
Thank you God.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Tonight's Guest Star...
In the television show that is everyone's life, there are people that aren't going to be there for the whole series, maybe just an episode. Maybe an entire season. Look around you. They're people who aren't your closest friends. They're a "work buddy" or the person at the convenience store that you always talk to. Maybe its a friend's roommate.
When you watch television, you quickly assess what you think happens after an episode is over. When a person is only on for a season or so, you assume that the main character still talks to them in the rest of their fictional life, just not the thirty minutes to an hour that you watch a week. But you're probably wrong.
My friend's roomate is a neat guy, and a really interesing person. He has technical knowledge that I am always careful to glean whenever I see him. I have great conversations with him about electronics and religion and morality. Or at least I did.
He'll move tomorrow, back to Washington. It's a good move for him, and if he's smart he'll never come back. Maybe he'll visit. Maybe I'll visit him. But I'd also say there's a good probability that our paths will never cross again. And that just makes me think of all the other guest stars that I've said goodbye to - the ones with their own show.
Appreciate the guest stars that are in your life now, they may be gone soon.
So thanks for covering my wife with a blanket when she fell asleep on the couch while I worked on my motorcycle. Thanks for being smarter than me so I could learn from you. Thanks for thinking I wasn't too stupid to explain. And if I never see you again, have a great life, Matt L.
When you watch television, you quickly assess what you think happens after an episode is over. When a person is only on for a season or so, you assume that the main character still talks to them in the rest of their fictional life, just not the thirty minutes to an hour that you watch a week. But you're probably wrong.
My friend's roomate is a neat guy, and a really interesing person. He has technical knowledge that I am always careful to glean whenever I see him. I have great conversations with him about electronics and religion and morality. Or at least I did.
He'll move tomorrow, back to Washington. It's a good move for him, and if he's smart he'll never come back. Maybe he'll visit. Maybe I'll visit him. But I'd also say there's a good probability that our paths will never cross again. And that just makes me think of all the other guest stars that I've said goodbye to - the ones with their own show.
Appreciate the guest stars that are in your life now, they may be gone soon.
So thanks for covering my wife with a blanket when she fell asleep on the couch while I worked on my motorcycle. Thanks for being smarter than me so I could learn from you. Thanks for thinking I wasn't too stupid to explain. And if I never see you again, have a great life, Matt L.
Friday, January 21, 2005
I'm not on the jury anyway.
Yes, there are changes and more posts and things to come. But I needed to post this.
Recently, I've been rethinking my stance on the death penalty. I was mostly against, for my own reasons. Reasonable reasons, mind you. But then I noticed a few scriptures that made me start to change my mind.
I guess my point here is that it is a lot harder to be against the death penalty when someone kidnaps one of your relatives from a Walmart, then kills her and leaves her in a ditch 400 miles away.
Please pray for Megan's family. It probably gets worse before it gets better.
Also, I don't know this kid, but his story was three down from Meagan's on CNN.com. His story makes me feel a little better.
Recently, I've been rethinking my stance on the death penalty. I was mostly against, for my own reasons. Reasonable reasons, mind you. But then I noticed a few scriptures that made me start to change my mind.
I guess my point here is that it is a lot harder to be against the death penalty when someone kidnaps one of your relatives from a Walmart, then kills her and leaves her in a ditch 400 miles away.
Please pray for Megan's family. It probably gets worse before it gets better.
Also, I don't know this kid, but his story was three down from Meagan's on CNN.com. His story makes me feel a little better.
Monday, January 03, 2005
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Like I agree with Bill Maher on anything else.
The reason I have trouble with politics and voting is best summed up by Bill Maher when he said, "we don't have two political parties, we have two cousins played by Patty Duke".
Friday, August 20, 2004
Where have you been again?
It's important that my more faithful readers know why they never hear from me on my journal or anywhere else for that matter.
6:00am - wake up long enough to kiss wife goodbye.
10:00am - wake up
10:20am - eat
11:00am - bike
12:00pm - eat
12:30pm - shower
1:00pm - get dressed
1:30pm - ride to work
10:30pm - ride home and wake up wife long enough to kiss her goodnight.
11:00pm - shower
12:00am - 3:00pm - go to sleep.
repeat.
I could not have found a more prosaic way to say that.
"You're getting fed this lie that you're gonna live forever. You won't. Somebody will kill ya. Somebody will kill ya with a knife. You better make sure your abs are ripped, you got some good guns. You wanna look good for when you get stabbed with a knife." - Carl on Aqua Teen Hunger Force
6:00am - wake up long enough to kiss wife goodbye.
10:00am - wake up
10:20am - eat
11:00am - bike
12:00pm - eat
12:30pm - shower
1:00pm - get dressed
1:30pm - ride to work
10:30pm - ride home and wake up wife long enough to kiss her goodnight.
11:00pm - shower
12:00am - 3:00pm - go to sleep.
repeat.
I could not have found a more prosaic way to say that.
"You're getting fed this lie that you're gonna live forever. You won't. Somebody will kill ya. Somebody will kill ya with a knife. You better make sure your abs are ripped, you got some good guns. You wanna look good for when you get stabbed with a knife." - Carl on Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Pedal pedal pedal...
28 miles on 2 Pop-Tarts and 2 cups of coffee and I still average 17.3 miles per hour.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
It doesn't matter if you agree on everything
Remember the episodes of Transformers where Optimus Prime and Megatron would team up to fight a greater evil because they knew if they didn't it would be them both? I love those episodes.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Pong.
Quote:
"It's our responsibility to care for others and they should do the same if the need arises(Acts 2:42-47)."
Again, true. Something I can totally agree with. But this is scripture (as is all scripture) directed at Christians only. This should not be confused with our responsibilities as a society. There are very unspecific demands that God puts on government. See, there was a healthy intent in those scripture to properly serve God; these were decisions based on His divine Will. I just can't be convinced that is why the state does it.
Believe it or not, though, I see welfare and our loss of freedom as something that is being permitted by a Higher Power. I think that its very possible that at some point God saw that men were shirking their responsibilities and said, "Fine, your choice." Then, in response to their request, He gave the nation exactly what it wanted (comfort and stability).
But there will be a lesson learned. Give your free will to God, and He will give it right back to you. He is the only true freedom. Give your free will to the government, and no matter how good their intentions are at first, absolute power will eventually corrupt absolutely.
God gives people what they want if they push Him long enough. He will let us give the government all the control we want. In the Old Testament there was the "blessing" of King Saul. Against Saul's and God's wishes, Saul was thrust into the throne. The Isrealites wanted him on the throne, and even though God warned them of disastrous consequences, they put him there anyway. The result? A man who forgot about being king and spent the last part of his reign on a witch hunt for his General, David, trying to snub out the bloodline that would eventually bring our Messiah.
I think Christians are greedy. I think they completely forget about God's Will and focus on violating the first commandment. We can't demand the government give us our right to help back, we have to show we're worthy of it. Until that happens, there will be taxes, there will be welfare, and there will be Christians who think that there is some way out of it besides taking their responsibilities back by proving themselves once again worthy of them. What I hope to convince people is not really form a coup de tat, but instead to be revolutionaries in the Spirit. Use capitalism to our advantage. We have a nation built on the idea that if we offer a better mousetrap then the world will beat a path to your door.
We pray that God give us the blueprints to that moustrap.
Oh, one more thing. Reguarding the poor girl who only had jeans for church, isn't that just ha-ha-hilarious that the people of the church thought first to judge, instead of maybe chipping in to buy her a dress, like they did for that poor kid who stared going to EMBC. Churches have totally lost their sense of community.
"It's our responsibility to care for others and they should do the same if the need arises(Acts 2:42-47)."
Again, true. Something I can totally agree with. But this is scripture (as is all scripture) directed at Christians only. This should not be confused with our responsibilities as a society. There are very unspecific demands that God puts on government. See, there was a healthy intent in those scripture to properly serve God; these were decisions based on His divine Will. I just can't be convinced that is why the state does it.
Believe it or not, though, I see welfare and our loss of freedom as something that is being permitted by a Higher Power. I think that its very possible that at some point God saw that men were shirking their responsibilities and said, "Fine, your choice." Then, in response to their request, He gave the nation exactly what it wanted (comfort and stability).
But there will be a lesson learned. Give your free will to God, and He will give it right back to you. He is the only true freedom. Give your free will to the government, and no matter how good their intentions are at first, absolute power will eventually corrupt absolutely.
God gives people what they want if they push Him long enough. He will let us give the government all the control we want. In the Old Testament there was the "blessing" of King Saul. Against Saul's and God's wishes, Saul was thrust into the throne. The Isrealites wanted him on the throne, and even though God warned them of disastrous consequences, they put him there anyway. The result? A man who forgot about being king and spent the last part of his reign on a witch hunt for his General, David, trying to snub out the bloodline that would eventually bring our Messiah.
I think Christians are greedy. I think they completely forget about God's Will and focus on violating the first commandment. We can't demand the government give us our right to help back, we have to show we're worthy of it. Until that happens, there will be taxes, there will be welfare, and there will be Christians who think that there is some way out of it besides taking their responsibilities back by proving themselves once again worthy of them. What I hope to convince people is not really form a coup de tat, but instead to be revolutionaries in the Spirit. Use capitalism to our advantage. We have a nation built on the idea that if we offer a better mousetrap then the world will beat a path to your door.
We pray that God give us the blueprints to that moustrap.
Oh, one more thing. Reguarding the poor girl who only had jeans for church, isn't that just ha-ha-hilarious that the people of the church thought first to judge, instead of maybe chipping in to buy her a dress, like they did for that poor kid who stared going to EMBC. Churches have totally lost their sense of community.
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Food + nothing = Lost souls.
What follows is a quote from yesterday's comments:
"Do you think it is easier to ask the church for help, or the government? Unfortunately I think it is easier to ask the government because the church is full of judgmental people. And I'll be the first to admit I am as guilty as anyone else. We draw lines down the church based on money, marital status, et al. With the government you're just another number to them, no one to judge really. That's not why I think welfare is good (I don't for the most part), but it's why I think Christian as a whole have no room to complain."
Very true. As a matter of fact, I would use those very same words. But let's take this from a different perspective.
I agree that people who turn to the church often feel alienated by a judging eye. But here's my issue; I don't think that eye is always that of the church itself.
You're right, if I can go to the government and get a paycheck, why should I go to someone who makes me feel guilty? I wouldn't, and I don't think anyone really would. But the next question is, just why do I feel guilty? The government asks you to prove that you're looking for work. What church entity does that? The church rarely ever makes you feel guilty for being poor by being judgmental. Maybe the guilt is coming from God. If someone feels guilty for asking a church for money when that is the only time they set foot in it, maybe they should use that as an inspiration to walk through the doors on a Sunday morning. However, I would agree that the instructions laid out in the Bible to feed the masses before you ever try to preach to them is not being practiced.
My next question would be this: Is it fair to make someone who will never live off of welfare pay for those who will? I do agree that it is my responsibility to help my fellow man, Christian or not. But there are plenty of people shirking their responsibilities out there, and are only held accountable by God Himself. When did it become the government's position to force me to adhere to my humanitarian responsibilities? I should want to help, and I do, and I think its wrong if you don't want to help your community. But no matter how wrong it is, who's right is it to force my hand?
Say everybody in my building wants the parking lot paved outside, but I never use it. They say to me, "will you chip in?" Should I? Maybe I should, at least for the sake of community. But if I don't, the punishment should be that I'm considered a pariah by everyone. It should not ultimately end up with me being hancuffed and fingerprinted, right? Same scenario, but with a more powerful entity. If I don't drive on the roads I still have to pay for the roads. If I don't send my children to a public school I still have to pay for the school. And if I don't, I'll be sleeping in a cage soon.
We as a society give up more and more rights for more and more stability and comfort and safety. The problem is we're giving up our freedom. The further we move away from the revolutionary spirit that started this nation, the more we are willing to give up to make sure we have a safety net. That's fine for some, I just with there was a clause to get out of it all. Live in this country without having to support things to which I normally would not lend myself.
I really think its too late, though. After two strong blows to the 10th amendment (The Civil War and The New Deal) I think that there is no turning back. We're not revolutionaries, we're lazy. George Orwell had it all wrong. Big Brother doesn't watch you, and he never will. There is no reason to worry about people's thoughts if you keep them happy enough. The only reason we revolted in the first place was because we were fed up with being told what to do. If we had stayed happy, we'd still have a queen. The fight is gone from us, and there really is no real freedom unless you're constantly fighting someone for it... even your own government.
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure." -- Thomas Jefferson
"Do you think it is easier to ask the church for help, or the government? Unfortunately I think it is easier to ask the government because the church is full of judgmental people. And I'll be the first to admit I am as guilty as anyone else. We draw lines down the church based on money, marital status, et al. With the government you're just another number to them, no one to judge really. That's not why I think welfare is good (I don't for the most part), but it's why I think Christian as a whole have no room to complain."
Very true. As a matter of fact, I would use those very same words. But let's take this from a different perspective.
I agree that people who turn to the church often feel alienated by a judging eye. But here's my issue; I don't think that eye is always that of the church itself.
You're right, if I can go to the government and get a paycheck, why should I go to someone who makes me feel guilty? I wouldn't, and I don't think anyone really would. But the next question is, just why do I feel guilty? The government asks you to prove that you're looking for work. What church entity does that? The church rarely ever makes you feel guilty for being poor by being judgmental. Maybe the guilt is coming from God. If someone feels guilty for asking a church for money when that is the only time they set foot in it, maybe they should use that as an inspiration to walk through the doors on a Sunday morning. However, I would agree that the instructions laid out in the Bible to feed the masses before you ever try to preach to them is not being practiced.
My next question would be this: Is it fair to make someone who will never live off of welfare pay for those who will? I do agree that it is my responsibility to help my fellow man, Christian or not. But there are plenty of people shirking their responsibilities out there, and are only held accountable by God Himself. When did it become the government's position to force me to adhere to my humanitarian responsibilities? I should want to help, and I do, and I think its wrong if you don't want to help your community. But no matter how wrong it is, who's right is it to force my hand?
Say everybody in my building wants the parking lot paved outside, but I never use it. They say to me, "will you chip in?" Should I? Maybe I should, at least for the sake of community. But if I don't, the punishment should be that I'm considered a pariah by everyone. It should not ultimately end up with me being hancuffed and fingerprinted, right? Same scenario, but with a more powerful entity. If I don't drive on the roads I still have to pay for the roads. If I don't send my children to a public school I still have to pay for the school. And if I don't, I'll be sleeping in a cage soon.
We as a society give up more and more rights for more and more stability and comfort and safety. The problem is we're giving up our freedom. The further we move away from the revolutionary spirit that started this nation, the more we are willing to give up to make sure we have a safety net. That's fine for some, I just with there was a clause to get out of it all. Live in this country without having to support things to which I normally would not lend myself.
I really think its too late, though. After two strong blows to the 10th amendment (The Civil War and The New Deal) I think that there is no turning back. We're not revolutionaries, we're lazy. George Orwell had it all wrong. Big Brother doesn't watch you, and he never will. There is no reason to worry about people's thoughts if you keep them happy enough. The only reason we revolted in the first place was because we were fed up with being told what to do. If we had stayed happy, we'd still have a queen. The fight is gone from us, and there really is no real freedom unless you're constantly fighting someone for it... even your own government.
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure." -- Thomas Jefferson
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